WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.240 Paisley: Paisley. Hey everybody, Paisley, 00:00:06.240 --> 00:00:09.060 imperfect here, and today we're going to talk about one of 00:00:09.060 --> 00:00:13.860 President oaks talks. It's from the 2018 general women's session 00:00:13.860 --> 00:00:17.880 of conference, and it's called parents and children. There's 00:00:17.880 --> 00:00:21.500 really a lot that we could talk about in this talk, but I'm 00:00:21.500 --> 00:00:24.980 primarily just going to talk about the third section of his 00:00:24.980 --> 00:00:27.740 talk. When you look at it online, there's he's got, like, 00:00:27.800 --> 00:00:30.260 Roman numerals one, two and three. I'm really just going to 00:00:30.260 --> 00:00:33.020 talk about the third section, and honestly, really, just like 00:00:33.020 --> 00:00:37.640 the last nine paragraphs of his talk. This particular section 00:00:37.640 --> 00:00:44.200 was shared specifically for young women in 2018 I wasn't 00:00:44.200 --> 00:00:51.220 that much younger than I am now. I, for sure, wasn't in young 00:00:51.220 --> 00:00:58.300 women's as a young woman. But I mean, honestly, I don't feel as 00:00:58.300 --> 00:01:05.040 old as I am and more importantly, I feel a need for 00:01:05.040 --> 00:01:10.620 this section in my life right now. I know that I've said this 00:01:10.620 --> 00:01:13.860 before, but these little discussions are just as much for 00:01:13.860 --> 00:01:18.960 me as they are for you. I am not perfect, and I I needed this one 00:01:18.960 --> 00:01:23.480 this time. Um, so I think you already know this, but I have 00:01:23.480 --> 00:01:27.980 three daughters. My oldest just turned eight, and my young my 00:01:27.980 --> 00:01:32.840 twins just turned six. My husband and I spend the majority 00:01:32.840 --> 00:01:36.500 of our time with them at dinner and in the evenings, mostly 00:01:36.500 --> 00:01:42.220 dinner and bedtime at dinner, we we like to talk about our day at 00:01:42.220 --> 00:01:46.120 dinner time. My husband's favorite. My eight year old 00:01:46.120 --> 00:01:50.080 calls it the dinner question. And we used to have this little 00:01:50.080 --> 00:01:52.600 box where we would pull out a dinner question and everybody 00:01:52.600 --> 00:01:55.120 would answer it. But now that the girls are in school full 00:01:55.120 --> 00:01:59.800 time, it's more of a tell me three things about your day that 00:01:59.800 --> 00:02:05.580 I don't already know. So we do that at dinner time, and then at 00:02:05.580 --> 00:02:12.120 bedtime we read stories together. We have what we call 00:02:12.120 --> 00:02:15.240 talk time, where they get to tell us about things that are 00:02:15.240 --> 00:02:18.780 going on or things that they they get to ask questions. They 00:02:18.780 --> 00:02:22.820 get just they've got mom and dad, mom and mom or dad's ear. 00:02:23.600 --> 00:02:29.120 We tag team it. And then we also read a little bit from the Book 00:02:29.120 --> 00:02:32.540 of Mormon every night, too. And the twins have these two my 00:02:32.540 --> 00:02:35.780 first book of mormon like board books. I know they're six. We're 00:02:35.780 --> 00:02:41.380 going to graduate them from those soon, but they these two 00:02:41.380 --> 00:02:45.880 board books. They have differing stories, and so they kind of 00:02:45.940 --> 00:02:50.140 alternate back and forth, but and the scent, I mean, they do a 00:02:50.140 --> 00:02:55.360 pretty decent job of only giving like one to two sentence stories 00:02:55.360 --> 00:03:01.200 from the Book of Mormon. And one of the things that we have kind 00:03:01.200 --> 00:03:05.760 of pulled out from one of those books is the teachings of King 00:03:05.760 --> 00:03:09.480 Benjamin. So we have a saying that goes something like this in 00:03:09.480 --> 00:03:17.520 our house, um, King Benjamin taught us to what, and they 00:03:17.520 --> 00:03:22.280 usually know to say, be nice sometimes if they're not being 00:03:22.280 --> 00:03:27.140 nice, they'll pretend like they don't know or refuse to say it. 00:03:27.740 --> 00:03:32.480 Sometimes the question is more like, who was it in the Book of 00:03:32.480 --> 00:03:35.840 Mormon that told us that we need to be nice? And then they'll say 00:03:35.840 --> 00:03:39.740 King Benjamin, depending on their moon, some of them will 00:03:39.740 --> 00:03:43.360 say King Benjamin, if one is being mean to the other one, the 00:03:43.360 --> 00:03:46.540 one that's the one that's being mean doesn't want to say 00:03:46.540 --> 00:03:49.180 anything, but the other ones, like King Benjamin, said it 00:03:50.380 --> 00:03:54.280 anyway. It's kind of funny, but I share all of that as kind of 00:03:54.280 --> 00:03:56.800 an intro into what President Oaks is talking about. At the 00:03:56.800 --> 00:04:02.160 end of this talk he's talking about he's specifically talking 00:04:02.160 --> 00:04:05.160 to, again, the young women, and he gives them two pieces of 00:04:05.160 --> 00:04:09.120 counsel to help them as they are striving to do what's right, 00:04:09.180 --> 00:04:14.100 make good choices. The first piece, I'm not going to spend a 00:04:14.100 --> 00:04:19.740 lot of time on. It actually was only a paragraph in his talk, 00:04:20.100 --> 00:04:24.740 and it was about their cell phones, about using their cell 00:04:24.740 --> 00:04:28.700 phones less. Because there he quotes a study. Doesn't quote 00:04:28.700 --> 00:04:33.800 it. He references a study that was done on teenagers and their 00:04:33.800 --> 00:04:37.460 use of their cell phone and how they feel anxious when they're 00:04:37.520 --> 00:04:40.720 when they don't have their phone with them. And so he was 00:04:40.720 --> 00:04:45.760 encouraging them to use their cell phones less. I'm there's a 00:04:45.760 --> 00:04:48.760 lesson in there for all of us, I'm sure. But the second 00:04:48.760 --> 00:04:53.620 counsel, he said, and to me, at this time in my life, is more 00:04:53.620 --> 00:04:58.960 important. He said, be kind to others. Just that those four 00:04:58.960 --> 00:05:03.000 words, be kind to others. Years. He also acknowledges that many 00:05:03.000 --> 00:05:06.120 are already doing that, and many of you are already doing that. 00:05:06.420 --> 00:05:16.080 Sometimes I'm even nice to others, but I don't know, I just 00:05:16.080 --> 00:05:20.100 I felt like I needed it after acknowledging that many people 00:05:20.100 --> 00:05:26.240 are all are already kind. He says this persistent unkindness 00:05:26.240 --> 00:05:30.140 is known by many names, such as bullying, ganging up on someone 00:05:30.620 --> 00:05:34.820 or joining together to reject others. These examples, 00:05:34.820 --> 00:05:38.720 deliberately inflict pain on classmates or friends. My 00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:42.280 sisters, it is not pleasing to the Lord, if we are cruel or 00:05:42.280 --> 00:05:49.600 mean to others, there is so much hate in our world right now, 00:05:50.200 --> 00:05:55.180 there are former members of our congregations who are joining 00:05:55.180 --> 00:06:01.260 together to reject others. Those others being us as a church, we 00:06:01.260 --> 00:06:04.740 have been ridiculed, misunderstood, rejected, 00:06:04.740 --> 00:06:08.820 exterminated and hated for much, if not all, of the church's 00:06:08.820 --> 00:06:14.760 history. But we are consistently, we are and have 00:06:14.760 --> 00:06:19.560 been consistently asked to rise above that. So going back to 00:06:19.560 --> 00:06:22.820 King Benjamin for just a second. He's the one that said that when 00:06:22.820 --> 00:06:27.440 we are serving others, we are serving God. Everyone is a child 00:06:27.440 --> 00:06:32.360 of God, whether they're a hater or not, everyone is a child of 00:06:32.360 --> 00:06:37.580 God, and so however we treat them is how we treat him. If you 00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:44.200 have nieces and nephews or children that you really love. 00:06:45.100 --> 00:06:48.040 Think about how you feel when someone is not nice to them. 00:06:48.520 --> 00:06:51.700 Before I had kids, I remember this one time I took my niece to 00:06:51.700 --> 00:06:58.600 the park. My niece has, she has autism, and she also has 00:06:58.600 --> 00:07:02.160 something called Fragile X, and we took, I took her to the park. 00:07:02.760 --> 00:07:08.100 And she's, she's mostly non verbal. At this time, she was, I 00:07:08.100 --> 00:07:13.680 think she was four, four or five. I didn't take her to the 00:07:13.680 --> 00:07:17.340 park. We were at a Harvest Festival for her older brothers 00:07:17.340 --> 00:07:20.100 elementary school, and I took her over to the playground. She 00:07:20.100 --> 00:07:23.180 loved the swings, loved playgrounds, and so I took her 00:07:23.180 --> 00:07:26.240 over to the playground, and there were these other I can't 00:07:26.240 --> 00:07:32.960 remember if it was two two girls or three girls. My niece is 14 00:07:32.960 --> 00:07:36.980 now, so this was like 10 years ago. So I don't remember if it 00:07:36.980 --> 00:07:39.740 was two girls or three girls, but she kind of went up to them, 00:07:39.740 --> 00:07:42.460 but she she didn't know how to communicate with them, that she 00:07:42.460 --> 00:07:45.280 wanted to play with them, and so she just kind of went over and, 00:07:45.280 --> 00:07:52.840 like, started copying them, and the girls got weirded out, like, 00:07:52.900 --> 00:08:00.720 obviously weirded out, and ran away from her. And my heart just 00:08:01.080 --> 00:08:06.420 broke for my niece. I am not here to fault those other two 00:08:06.420 --> 00:08:12.480 girls. They didn't know how to respond to her. It was not they 00:08:12.480 --> 00:08:14.880 just didn't know. They didn't know they weren't any older than 00:08:14.880 --> 00:08:17.760 she was, and they didn't know how they didn't know how to act, 00:08:17.760 --> 00:08:19.980 they didn't know how to behave, they didn't know how to respond 00:08:19.980 --> 00:08:26.300 to her. I don't fault them for that. My heart broke for my 00:08:26.300 --> 00:08:30.020 niece, because she she wasn't one to just go up to somebody. 00:08:30.500 --> 00:08:33.140 It took a lot of courage for her to do that and for them to run 00:08:33.140 --> 00:08:37.760 away from her. Just it was heartbreaking. So I, I went over 00:08:37.760 --> 00:08:41.200 and I played with her and helped her on the swings and going down 00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:47.380 the side, and we had fine we had a fine time. The point is, 00:08:47.440 --> 00:08:50.200 everyone is a child of our heavenly Father, and the way 00:08:50.200 --> 00:08:54.820 that we treat them matters. There's a quote that I'm kind of 00:08:54.820 --> 00:09:00.540 reminded of. I've seen it in various forms, but the essence 00:09:00.540 --> 00:09:04.320 is show respect even to people who don't deserve it, not as a 00:09:04.320 --> 00:09:07.860 reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours. 00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:13.320 And I would switch out show respect to be kind, be kind even 00:09:13.320 --> 00:09:16.860 to people who don't deserve it, not as a reflection of their 00:09:16.860 --> 00:09:22.760 character, but as a reflection of yours. President oaks. He 00:09:22.760 --> 00:09:27.260 quotes President Nelson as saying, stand out, be different 00:09:27.260 --> 00:09:30.620 from the world. You and I know that you are to be a light to 00:09:30.620 --> 00:09:34.160 the world. Therefore the Lord needs you to look like, sound 00:09:34.160 --> 00:09:39.200 like, act like and dress like a true disciple of Jesus Christ. 00:09:41.360 --> 00:09:46.360 We don't have time to be mean to each other. We have way more 00:09:46.360 --> 00:09:50.320 important things to do in these last days than judge others by 00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:54.400 what they're wearing or saying or thinking the way that they're 00:09:54.400 --> 00:09:57.940 behaving. Excuse me, 00:09:59.260 --> 00:10:02.400 we have Israel. Together, we have way more important things 00:10:02.400 --> 00:10:06.900 to do. President oaks also says that we need to follow the 00:10:06.900 --> 00:10:10.020 Savior's teaching, to reach out and be loving and considerate of 00:10:10.020 --> 00:10:13.200 others, even to turn the other cheek when we feel someone has 00:10:13.200 --> 00:10:16.260 wronged us. And I want to share something that I learned about 00:10:16.260 --> 00:10:27.320 turning the other cheek not that long ago. Gosh, I'm sorry. Um, I 00:10:27.320 --> 00:10:29.960 used to think that turning the other cheek, figuratively 00:10:29.960 --> 00:10:34.580 speaking, meant that if somebody did something like that felt 00:10:34.580 --> 00:10:38.060 like a slap to the face, turn the other cheek and let him do 00:10:38.060 --> 00:10:44.140 it again. That's what I used to think. Or at least just kind of 00:10:44.140 --> 00:10:48.400 stay there and take it. That's what I used to think turning the 00:10:48.400 --> 00:10:52.180 other cheek meant. But that is not at all what it means to me 00:10:52.180 --> 00:10:57.580 anymore. And I don't know how to explain how I learned this. It 00:10:57.580 --> 00:11:00.040 really was more of a conversation with the spirit, 00:11:00.880 --> 00:11:06.540 but turning the other cheek to me now means that I walk away 00:11:06.540 --> 00:11:10.320 and let them be who they are. I don't need to sit there and take 00:11:10.320 --> 00:11:13.860 their disrespect. I don't need to listen to their hate. I don't 00:11:13.860 --> 00:11:17.700 need to internalize their anger. I also don't need to engage in 00:11:17.700 --> 00:11:21.200 it. I don't need to defend myself my beliefs, my values, 00:11:21.200 --> 00:11:27.980 morals or mission, I can simply turn away, turn the other cheek, 00:11:28.100 --> 00:11:31.940 turn my back. There's really no point in arguing anyway, because 00:11:31.940 --> 00:11:34.700 by the time it gets to an argument, by the time it's 00:11:34.700 --> 00:11:37.160 gotten there, they're not gonna hear anything I have to say 00:11:37.160 --> 00:11:41.020 anyway. There's no point in arguing. It's time to turn the 00:11:41.020 --> 00:11:46.660 other cheek and move on. Some call it setting a boundary. Turn 00:11:46.660 --> 00:11:50.200 the cheek, turn the other cheek and move on. Let them be who 00:11:50.200 --> 00:11:55.960 they are going to be and move on. So back to what President 00:11:55.960 --> 00:11:58.480 oaks said, Follow the Savior's teaching to reach out and be 00:11:58.480 --> 00:12:01.380 loving and considerate of others, even to turn the other 00:12:01.380 --> 00:12:04.140 cheek when we feel someone has wronged us. He also says this, 00:12:04.740 --> 00:12:09.360 be kind to one another. Jesus taught us to love one another 00:12:09.780 --> 00:12:13.500 and to treat others as we want to be treated as we strive to be 00:12:13.500 --> 00:12:17.880 kind we draw closer to Him and His loving influence. My dear 00:12:17.880 --> 00:12:21.620 sisters, if you participate in any meanness or pettiness, 00:12:21.920 --> 00:12:25.580 individually or with a group, resolve now to change and 00:12:25.580 --> 00:12:31.580 encourage others to change. So you guys, for someone who is 00:12:31.580 --> 00:12:35.480 pragmatic and logical, it is sometimes difficult for me to 00:12:35.480 --> 00:12:42.040 understand why some other people do what they do or how they do 00:12:42.040 --> 00:12:46.960 what they do. I just sometimes I just don't get it, especially 00:12:46.960 --> 00:12:51.040 when in my logical brain, there is a much better, easier, nicer, 00:12:51.100 --> 00:12:57.340 more efficient, more ethical way to do what they're doing. That's 00:12:57.340 --> 00:13:02.220 my challenge. That's what I struggle with. The best example 00:13:02.220 --> 00:13:06.840 that I have right now is school drop off. Some of you may be 00:13:06.840 --> 00:13:11.160 chuckling at potentially former memories of school drop off when 00:13:11.160 --> 00:13:15.540 you were dropping off your own kids or grandkids. School drop 00:13:15.540 --> 00:13:19.500 off is meant to take two to three minutes. You drive up, 00:13:19.800 --> 00:13:24.320 your kid gets out of the vehicle. You drive away. There's 00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:29.180 a curb, and on that curb there are signs, no parking. Student 00:13:29.180 --> 00:13:34.340 drop off, only right. So you pull up. Your kids get out. You 00:13:34.340 --> 00:13:39.080 leave the gate at the school. The gate to the palm to the gate 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:44.140 to the school itself opens at, let's say, eight o'clock. School 00:13:44.140 --> 00:13:50.080 starts at 820 there's a 20 minute window for all parents to 00:13:50.080 --> 00:13:56.020 drop off their kids. But every single day, there are at least 00:13:56.020 --> 00:14:02.760 two parents that get there at 755, and park in the drop off 00:14:02.760 --> 00:14:06.240 lane to wait until the gates open, like turn off their put 00:14:06.240 --> 00:14:09.960 their car and park and turn it off, park and wait in the car 00:14:09.960 --> 00:14:12.600 with their kids for the gate to open. Sometimes their kids get 00:14:12.600 --> 00:14:15.180 out and go play with their friends, but they sit there and 00:14:15.180 --> 00:14:24.680 they wait. It's five minutes, 755, to eight o'clock. It 00:14:24.680 --> 00:14:27.680 doesn't sound like a lot of time, but when you consider 00:14:27.680 --> 00:14:30.800 that, sometimes it takes their kid forever to get out of the 00:14:30.800 --> 00:14:34.520 car when the gate finally does open, and then we're sitting 00:14:34.520 --> 00:14:38.540 there at 805 when the kid finally gets out of the car. 00:14:39.680 --> 00:14:44.260 Anyway, see, this is my challenge, right? It doesn't 00:14:44.260 --> 00:14:47.860 sound like a lot of time, but it is. And the this morning, there 00:14:47.860 --> 00:14:51.160 were five parents, and those two to five parents that park in the 00:14:51.160 --> 00:14:55.960 drop off lane to wait cause traffic issues that back up then 00:14:55.960 --> 00:15:00.120 into the neighborhood. It causes congestion, not just for. For 00:15:00.180 --> 00:15:02.880 the parents dropping their kids off at school, but for everybody 00:15:02.880 --> 00:15:04.800 in the surrounding neighborhoods, or just who are 00:15:04.800 --> 00:15:10.560 just trying to get to work, I am not kind to those parents 00:15:11.880 --> 00:15:18.840 individually. I am not kind to those parents. I try so hard, 00:15:19.020 --> 00:15:21.920 and I have justified my unkindness by saying that I'm 00:15:21.920 --> 00:15:24.380 sticking up for everybody else who's in the line. We all have 00:15:24.380 --> 00:15:27.020 jobs to get to. It's not like we're just sitting here waiting 00:15:27.020 --> 00:15:29.900 all day for our kids, like I'm not dropping them off and 00:15:29.900 --> 00:15:36.980 sitting here and wait, see here I go. I want to be kind, and 00:15:36.980 --> 00:15:42.100 these people test me every day. I try so hard to be kind, and 00:15:42.700 --> 00:15:48.640 the testing just keeps coming. Okay, so that's mine. I shared 00:15:48.640 --> 00:15:57.220 mine. This is my current kindness challenge. Be nice to 00:15:57.220 --> 00:16:00.900 the parents who are trying to drop their kids off and make 00:16:00.900 --> 00:16:05.040 sure they are safe. Just be kind. Who do you need to be 00:16:05.040 --> 00:16:09.540 kind? To share it with me. Tell me or don't. I mean, this isn't 00:16:09.900 --> 00:16:12.720 a confessional. It's, I'm not trying to get you to confess 00:16:12.720 --> 00:16:15.660 something you don't want to confess, but I would love it if 00:16:15.660 --> 00:16:18.240 you'd share it with me, maybe it would make me feel a little bit 00:16:18.240 --> 00:16:24.260 better. I appreciate your time. Be kind. There's enough hate in 00:16:24.260 --> 00:16:28.280 the world without us hating on each other. Be kind, be nice, 00:16:28.820 --> 00:16:34.040 and try to remember that everybody else is also a child 00:16:34.040 --> 00:16:38.660 of God. Sometimes that's hard. Sometimes it's harder than other 00:16:38.660 --> 00:16:43.300 times. Anyway, thank you for spending your time with me 00:16:43.300 --> 00:16:47.680 today. I appreciate it. I really do keep learning, keep growing, 00:16:47.860 --> 00:16:51.880 keep trying, try to be nice and be of good cheer. Thanks, 00:16:51.880 --> 00:16:53.200 everybody until next time 00:16:59.320 --> 00:16:59.440 Unknown: you.