WEBVTT 00:00:04.019 --> 00:00:08.349 Paisley: Hey everybody, welcome back Paisley imperfect here, and 00:00:08.428 --> 00:00:13.073 thank you for choosing to be here with me today. You may be 00:00:13.152 --> 00:00:17.404 aware that today is Mental Health Awareness Day, and I 00:00:17.482 --> 00:00:22.364 couldn't just not address that, especially when there are some 00:00:22.443 --> 00:00:26.852 really good talks and some really good articles and some 00:00:26.931 --> 00:00:31.970 really good resources available to us to help us become mentally 00:00:32.049 --> 00:00:37.009 healthy. The Church, actually, I'm sharing my screen for just a 00:00:37.088 --> 00:00:42.048 couple minutes today, the church actually has some really great 00:00:42.127 --> 00:00:46.615 resources for mental health, and I wanted to just kind of 00:00:46.694 --> 00:00:51.654 navigate there and show you how to find them. In case you don't 00:00:51.733 --> 00:00:56.063 already don't already know. So if you go up here on the 00:00:56.142 --> 00:01:00.866 church's website and just on their homepage, if you go up to 00:01:00.945 --> 00:01:05.827 libraries, and then you go to gospel library, you have all the 00:01:05.905 --> 00:01:10.630 stuff that you expect to see right at the top. If you scroll 00:01:10.708 --> 00:01:15.354 down just a little bit right here, there's a section called 00:01:15.433 --> 00:01:19.999 Life help. And if you click in there, there's all kinds of 00:01:20.078 --> 00:01:24.960 stuff in here, abuse, addiction, divorce, there's all kinds of 00:01:25.038 --> 00:01:29.999 stuff in here. And if you scroll down to right here, these four 00:01:30.078 --> 00:01:34.880 cute girls sitting with each other. This is the mental health 00:01:34.959 --> 00:01:39.368 one. If you click on mental health, there's all kinds of 00:01:39.447 --> 00:01:43.541 stuff. There are resources if you are the one who is 00:01:43.620 --> 00:01:48.187 struggling with your mental health. There are resources if 00:01:48.266 --> 00:01:52.832 it's a family member, if you happen to be a leader in your 00:01:52.911 --> 00:01:57.872 ward, your stake, your branch, whatever it is in your location, 00:01:57.950 --> 00:02:02.832 there are resources for you too. There are stories that people 00:02:02.911 --> 00:02:07.792 have shared, and then there are actually some additional links 00:02:07.871 --> 00:02:12.831 too for you to learn more. So if you haven't taken advantage of 00:02:12.910 --> 00:02:17.871 that, or if you haven't checked it out yet, you totally should. 00:02:17.949 --> 00:02:22.752 Today, I want to focus on the talk from elder Holland. It was 00:02:22.831 --> 00:02:27.634 groundbreaking for me, and I'll get to that in just a second. 00:02:27.713 --> 00:02:32.437 But in 2013 elder Holland gave a fantastic talk about mental 00:02:32.516 --> 00:02:37.240 health. It was called like a broken vessel, and I remember I 00:02:37.319 --> 00:02:41.649 bawled all the way through it the first time. I've been 00:02:41.728 --> 00:02:46.452 through it a few times that since then, and I should be able 00:02:46.531 --> 00:02:51.176 to hold it together today, but we'll see. I'm gonna back up 00:02:51.255 --> 00:02:56.215 just a little bit and tell you why it was groundbreaking, and I 00:02:56.294 --> 00:03:00.625 will do my best. I'm sure that you're all aware of PPD, 00:03:00.703 --> 00:03:04.640 postpartum postpartum depression, PPD. But did you 00:03:04.719 --> 00:03:09.522 know that PPD can affect you if you have a miscarriage. I did 00:03:09.600 --> 00:03:13.931 not until I had my first miscarriage, so it was in 2011 00:03:14.010 --> 00:03:18.734 two years before the talk came out. My husband and I at that 00:03:18.813 --> 00:03:23.222 point, had been trying to have children or trying to add 00:03:23.301 --> 00:03:27.946 children to our family for about six years, and we finally, 00:03:28.025 --> 00:03:32.749 finally had our very first ever positive pregnancy test. And 00:03:32.828 --> 00:03:37.158 when you have looked at a negative pregnancy test month 00:03:37.237 --> 00:03:42.040 after month after month for six years, what's six times 12? I 00:03:42.119 --> 00:03:47.158 don't even know. It's too many. 72 I don't know when you've seen 00:03:47.237 --> 00:03:51.961 that many negative pregnancy tests, and you finally get your 00:03:52.039 --> 00:03:56.370 first positive after all of the hormones and all of the 00:03:56.449 --> 00:04:01.252 surgeries and all of the things that you've been through, and 00:04:01.330 --> 00:04:05.818 you finally get that first positive pregnancy test, there 00:04:05.897 --> 00:04:10.543 are few things that cause that level of excitement. We were 00:04:10.621 --> 00:04:14.716 ridiculously excited. Unfortunately, I miscarried at 00:04:14.794 --> 00:04:19.361 only about eight weeks, eight and a half weeks, and to say 00:04:19.440 --> 00:04:24.164 that we were both crushed is an understatement. For weeks, I 00:04:24.243 --> 00:04:29.361 couldn't stop crying. I couldn't find anything to be happy about. 00:04:29.439 --> 00:04:33.770 I tried. I could fake a smile, sometimes I could fake a 00:04:33.849 --> 00:04:38.730 chuckle, but that was about it. I couldn't I couldn't laugh. I 00:04:38.809 --> 00:04:43.376 was constantly sad. I was discouraged, I was angry, all of 00:04:43.454 --> 00:04:47.627 those things, all of those feelings. I did slowly get 00:04:47.706 --> 00:04:52.509 through the anger, I was pushing through the frustration, the 00:04:52.588 --> 00:04:57.548 discouragement, the grief, but I was different, and things were 00:04:57.627 --> 00:05:02.194 things were dark. Now I get it. Having a miscarriage makes 00:05:02.272 --> 00:05:07.075 everyone different. It's going to change you. It just is. You 00:05:07.154 --> 00:05:11.248 cannot have. You cannot experience that kind of loss 00:05:11.327 --> 00:05:16.209 without it changing who, without it changing you. But not like 00:05:16.288 --> 00:05:20.933 this. Life was dark. My husband went with me to a follow up 00:05:21.012 --> 00:05:25.893 appointment. I. Some weeks after the miscarriage. I don't even 00:05:25.972 --> 00:05:30.618 remember how many, how many weeks it was. That's how bad it 00:05:30.696 --> 00:05:35.735 was, and my doctor diagnosed me with PPD, postpartum depression. 00:05:35.814 --> 00:05:40.538 Until that moment, I didn't even know it was possible. I had 00:05:40.617 --> 00:05:44.790 vaguely heard of postpartum depression in women after 00:05:44.869 --> 00:05:49.672 they've given birth to a baby or after they've lost one, like 00:05:49.751 --> 00:05:54.554 after it was born. But I didn't know that it was a thing with 00:05:54.632 --> 00:05:59.514 miscarriage. And I remember I was sitting on that little couch 00:05:59.593 --> 00:06:04.081 in that room in my doctor's office. I think the couch was 00:06:04.159 --> 00:06:09.041 yellow, either the couch was or the wall behind it was yellow. 00:06:09.120 --> 00:06:13.844 This doctor that I had, he was amazing. He was always happy, 00:06:13.923 --> 00:06:18.489 always happy. And so I was sitting on that little couch in 00:06:18.568 --> 00:06:23.529 that room, and I was answering all of the Depression questions. 00:06:23.607 --> 00:06:28.095 I didn't know at the time that I was answering all of the 00:06:28.174 --> 00:06:33.056 Depression questions, but I was, and I was passing with flying 00:06:33.134 --> 00:06:37.701 colors, but also now that I knew what was wrong with me, I 00:06:37.780 --> 00:06:42.347 thought that I could fix it, and so I opted to wait on the 00:06:42.425 --> 00:06:46.835 proposed meds. I don't remember how long I waited, but I 00:06:46.913 --> 00:06:51.480 eventually did start taking medication for the depression, 00:06:51.559 --> 00:06:55.889 because also, did you know PPD can last for years? It's 00:06:55.968 --> 00:06:59.984 different for everybody, and most people get out of 00:07:00.062 --> 00:07:04.629 postpartum depression within three to six months. Mine was 00:07:04.708 --> 00:07:09.668 not going away. It was lasting for a really long time, and so I 00:07:09.747 --> 00:07:14.392 opted to start taking the meds. I mean, also, I had so many 00:07:14.471 --> 00:07:19.274 hormone like I just it was, I was a wreck. I was a wreck, and 00:07:19.353 --> 00:07:24.392 I needed help. Okay, so that was in 2011 towards the end of 2011 00:07:24.471 --> 00:07:29.352 maybe beginning of 2012 so now fast forward to 2013 and that's 00:07:29.431 --> 00:07:32.895 when I had my second miscarriage. And PPD is 00:07:32.974 --> 00:07:37.383 different for everybody. Every body is different, and so 00:07:37.462 --> 00:07:42.029 everything is going to affect your body in a different way 00:07:42.108 --> 00:07:47.147 than it affects everyone else. A lot of people will have similar 00:07:47.225 --> 00:07:51.792 things happen, which is why we're able to create medicines 00:07:51.871 --> 00:07:56.595 and vaccines and things like that, because people in general 00:07:56.674 --> 00:08:01.556 are fairly similar. But things diseases, I mean, c0v1d affects 00:08:01.634 --> 00:08:06.516 everybody differently, right? Things affect us differently. So 00:08:06.595 --> 00:08:10.925 when my second miscarriage happened, I also didn't know 00:08:11.004 --> 00:08:15.649 that PPD can get progressively worse as you complete, or as 00:08:15.728 --> 00:08:20.689 your misc as as your pregnancies end, PPD can get progressively 00:08:20.767 --> 00:08:25.806 worse. I didn't know that until I did, and then I I knew it. And 00:08:25.885 --> 00:08:30.767 then elder Holland speaks about mental health, and this is why 00:08:30.846 --> 00:08:35.885 it was so groundbreaking for me. Because up until this point, it 00:08:35.963 --> 00:08:40.845 was like, Okay, I'm taking meds to help me. When am I going to 00:08:40.924 --> 00:08:45.648 be able to stop taking these meds? Because I feel like there 00:08:45.727 --> 00:08:50.766 are things that I should be able to do myself right. I felt like 00:08:50.845 --> 00:08:55.648 I was broken. I felt like I was doing something wrong, like I 00:08:55.726 --> 00:09:00.450 wasn't good enough. I wasn't spiritual enough. I didn't have 00:09:00.529 --> 00:09:05.411 my faith. Wasn't strong enough, because I couldn't do it on my 00:09:05.490 --> 00:09:10.607 own. And elder Holland so sorry, so lovingly in his talk, told me 00:09:10.686 --> 00:09:15.174 that there was nothing wrong with it, that I wasn't doing 00:09:15.253 --> 00:09:20.056 anything wrong. Here's what he said. However bewildering This 00:09:20.135 --> 00:09:24.701 all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of 00:09:24.780 --> 00:09:29.740 mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging 00:09:29.819 --> 00:09:34.543 them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure 00:09:34.622 --> 00:09:39.504 or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor. And I was like, 00:09:39.583 --> 00:09:44.385 oh, you know what? He's right. This is like having high blood 00:09:44.464 --> 00:09:49.346 pressure or a malignant tumor, it's not any more shameful than 00:09:49.425 --> 00:09:54.306 any other disease, than anybody else suffers with. Nothing was 00:09:54.385 --> 00:09:57.220 more wrong with me than anyone else, 00:09:59.200 --> 00:10:01.860 some of their. May be a little bit more obvious, a little bit 00:10:01.860 --> 00:10:06.960 more physical, a little bit more obvious, but people also people 00:10:06.960 --> 00:10:09.180 know what to do with the obvious things, right? If you've got 00:10:09.180 --> 00:10:13.380 high blood pressure, you go see your primary care physician and 00:10:13.380 --> 00:10:16.560 maybe a cardiologist. If you have a malignant tumor, you go 00:10:16.560 --> 00:10:21.980 see an oncologist, and depending on where the tumor is. You may 00:10:21.980 --> 00:10:27.500 need a neuro oncologist. You may need some other kind of 00:10:27.500 --> 00:10:34.580 oncologist. You may you may need a specialist, and they're there, 00:10:34.760 --> 00:10:39.320 and you just go and you talk to one and you have scans done and 00:10:39.680 --> 00:10:43.420 figure out your next steps. But with depression, it could be a 00:10:43.420 --> 00:10:47.560 therapist, it could be a psychologist, psychiatrist. 00:10:47.920 --> 00:10:51.640 Could be a personal trainer. Maybe you just need to go for a 00:10:51.640 --> 00:10:58.660 walk. It's so different in so many people. But again, there 00:10:58.660 --> 00:11:03.720 are things that we all have in common that we can we can try to 00:11:03.720 --> 00:11:07.500 work on we can get started and see where we get. And elder 00:11:07.500 --> 00:11:10.380 Holland actually gave us eight things to do, and he puts it 00:11:10.380 --> 00:11:14.760 like this quote, so how do you best respond when mental or 00:11:14.760 --> 00:11:18.480 emotional challenges confront you or those you love, above 00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:23.180 all, never lose faith in your Father in heaven, who loves you 00:11:23.180 --> 00:11:26.720 more than you can comprehend. As President Monson said to the 00:11:26.720 --> 00:11:29.840 Relief Society sisters so movingly last Saturday evening, 00:11:30.260 --> 00:11:34.520 that love never changes. It is there for you when you are sad 00:11:34.520 --> 00:11:38.420 or happy, discouraged or hopeful, God's love is there for 00:11:38.420 --> 00:11:42.100 you whether or not you feel you deserve it. It is simply always 00:11:42.100 --> 00:11:49.360 there. Never ever doubt that and to never harden your heart. 00:11:50.320 --> 00:11:53.980 Faithfully pursue the time tested devotional practices that 00:11:53.980 --> 00:11:58.240 bring the spirit of the Lord into your life. Seek the counsel 00:11:58.240 --> 00:12:02.340 of those who hold keys for your spiritual well being, ask for 00:12:02.340 --> 00:12:05.700 and cherish priesthood blessings. Take the sacrament 00:12:05.700 --> 00:12:09.600 every week and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the 00:12:09.600 --> 00:12:15.000 Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles. I have seen 00:12:15.000 --> 00:12:17.820 so many of them come when every other indication would say that 00:12:17.820 --> 00:12:22.700 hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not 00:12:22.700 --> 00:12:27.620 come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior's 00:12:27.620 --> 00:12:32.360 own English example. If the bitter cup does not pass, drink 00:12:32.360 --> 00:12:37.640 it and be strong trusting in happier days ahead. Eight 00:12:37.640 --> 00:12:44.200 things. Never lose faith. Never harden your heart, faithfully 00:12:44.200 --> 00:12:49.540 pursue the Spirit. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys 00:12:49.540 --> 00:12:52.720 for your spiritual well being. Ask for priesthood blessings. 00:12:53.020 --> 00:12:56.860 Take the sacrament every week and trust in the perfecting 00:12:57.700 --> 00:13:00.600 abilities of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in 00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:04.620 miracles and trust in happier days ahead, eight things that we 00:13:04.620 --> 00:13:08.220 can try to get us started, to get us moving in the right 00:13:08.220 --> 00:13:13.800 direction. But that is not always enough. It just isn't. 00:13:13.800 --> 00:13:18.240 For some people, that is just not enough. I know that I was 00:13:18.240 --> 00:13:21.740 doing all of those things, or I was trying my best to do all of 00:13:21.740 --> 00:13:25.880 those things, and I was still in a very dark place without the 00:13:25.880 --> 00:13:32.960 medication. And I remember, I remember thinking that too, as I 00:13:32.960 --> 00:13:35.660 was listening to this talk. I remember feeling like this talk 00:13:35.660 --> 00:13:38.900 was for me, but also knowing that I had been doing all of 00:13:38.900 --> 00:13:42.940 those things and it wasn't working. But later in the talk, 00:13:42.940 --> 00:13:45.760 so I remember thinking, but I'm doing all of those things, or 00:13:45.760 --> 00:13:49.540 I'm trying my very hardest to do all those things, and they don't 00:13:49.540 --> 00:13:55.300 work. I still need the help of this medicine. Later, he says 00:13:55.300 --> 00:13:58.480 this. He says, if things continue to be debilitating, 00:13:58.720 --> 00:14:02.520 seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, 00:14:02.880 --> 00:14:06.060 professional skills and good values. He even tells us what to 00:14:06.060 --> 00:14:09.900 look for in a doctor, in a helper, certified training, 00:14:09.900 --> 00:14:13.560 professional skills and good values. He continues be honest 00:14:13.560 --> 00:14:18.180 with them about your history and your struggles, prayerfully and 00:14:18.180 --> 00:14:22.340 responsibly consider the counsel they give and the solutions they 00:14:22.580 --> 00:14:27.500 prescribe, prescribe, for me, was a very key word there. Some 00:14:27.500 --> 00:14:30.800 of our doctors will prescribe healthy diet and lots of 00:14:30.800 --> 00:14:33.500 exercise, right? Going back to your high blood pressure with 00:14:33.500 --> 00:14:37.580 your cardiologist, a healthy diet and lots of good exercise, 00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:43.000 other doctors may prescribe meds they may give you a little bit 00:14:43.000 --> 00:14:46.000 of both prayerfully and responsibly consider the counsel 00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:49.120 they give and the solutions they prescribe. If you had 00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:51.580 appendicitis, he gives an example. If you had 00:14:51.580 --> 00:14:54.040 appendicitis, God would expect you to seek a priesthood 00:14:54.040 --> 00:14:58.120 blessing and get the best medical care available. So too, 00:14:58.120 --> 00:15:01.440 with emotional disorders, our. Father in Heaven expects us to 00:15:01.440 --> 00:15:06.060 use all of the marvelous gifts he has provided in this glorious 00:15:06.060 --> 00:15:13.020 dispensation, all of them right? Then I knew that what I was 00:15:13.020 --> 00:15:17.820 doing for myself was the right thing. At that time in my life, 00:15:18.600 --> 00:15:23.600 I finally felt okay about it, and like it was okay to talk 00:15:23.600 --> 00:15:28.460 about and be honest about. There didn't need to be a stigma about 00:15:28.460 --> 00:15:31.580 depression, postpartum depression or otherwise, there 00:15:31.580 --> 00:15:34.220 didn't need to be a stigma about it, and as long as there was 00:15:34.220 --> 00:15:37.220 one, people would be uncomfortable talking about 00:15:37.220 --> 00:15:46.660 their struggles. I I had a friend in my early 20s. Um, she 00:15:46.660 --> 00:15:50.200 was something else. I had this friend in my early 20s who 00:15:51.040 --> 00:15:54.040 legit, always looked 00:15:54.100 --> 00:16:00.300 at challenges as, what can I learn from this? She was the 00:16:00.300 --> 00:16:04.320 eternal she probably still is the eternal optimist, always 00:16:04.320 --> 00:16:07.980 looking at always trying to figure out what she could learn. 00:16:08.280 --> 00:16:11.400 One time she confided in me, she's like Abby. I have to 00:16:11.400 --> 00:16:18.540 approach it that way, because if I don't, I just get I just get 00:16:18.540 --> 00:16:21.800 lost. And also, if I approach it that way, then I can learn 00:16:21.800 --> 00:16:24.320 whatever it is that Heavenly Father wants me to learn faster 00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:30.980 and be done with it sooner. Confession, still think, if we 00:16:30.980 --> 00:16:34.280 think about it that way, if we think about these challenges as 00:16:34.280 --> 00:16:37.400 Okay, Heavenly Father's trying to teach me something. I really 00:16:37.400 --> 00:16:39.860 hate doing this right now. So what do I need to learn so I can 00:16:39.860 --> 00:16:45.160 get through it faster. I don't. I always forget to think about 00:16:45.160 --> 00:16:49.900 things that way first. And it takes me some time to remember 00:16:49.900 --> 00:16:54.460 that I wish that I was the eternal optimist that she was. I 00:16:54.460 --> 00:16:59.560 am more of a realist, a Prag pragmatic realist, I think, is 00:16:59.560 --> 00:17:03.960 the term that I used before pragmatic, realist, practical, 00:17:04.380 --> 00:17:07.680 and I look at things realistically, and sometimes 00:17:07.680 --> 00:17:11.760 that gets in the way of my optimism. Anyway, to share one 00:17:11.760 --> 00:17:14.880 last thing from elder Holland, he said, whatever your struggle, 00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:17.640 my brothers and sisters, mental or emotional or physical or 00:17:17.640 --> 00:17:21.440 otherwise, do not vote against the preciousness of life by 00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:29.000 ending it. Trust in God, hold on in his love. Know that one day, 00:17:29.000 --> 00:17:31.940 the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will 00:17:31.940 --> 00:17:36.080 flee. Though we may feel we are like a broken vessel, as the 00:17:36.080 --> 00:17:40.240 psalmist says, We must remember that vessel is in the hands of 00:17:40.240 --> 00:17:44.080 the Divine Potter, broken minds can be healed just the way. 00:17:44.080 --> 00:17:47.740 Broken bones and broken hearts are healed while God is at work 00:17:47.740 --> 00:17:50.860 making those repairs. The rest of us can help by being 00:17:50.860 --> 00:17:58.900 merciful, non judgmental and kind. Trust in God no matter 00:17:58.900 --> 00:18:06.480 what your challenge is, and remember that we can seek help, 00:18:07.140 --> 00:18:09.900 just like those who are suffering from broken bones or 00:18:09.900 --> 00:18:16.020 broken hearts. It's okay to struggle. It's actually 00:18:16.020 --> 00:18:20.720 expected. That's part of the plan, that's part of the purpose 00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:25.220 of this life is to struggle and figure out how and what we need 00:18:25.220 --> 00:18:28.220 to be, who we're supposed to be, right, who our heavenly father 00:18:28.220 --> 00:18:35.060 would have us be. That's part of the deal. We just need to 00:18:35.060 --> 00:18:39.200 somehow remember to approach things with trust in our 00:18:39.200 --> 00:18:44.500 Heavenly Father, a knowledge of His love and hope, hope and 00:18:44.500 --> 00:18:49.480 faith, trust, and just keep going. We'll get there. 00:18:51.040 --> 00:18:55.900 Remember, we are good enough. We are good enough, we will make 00:18:55.900 --> 00:18:59.440 it, and we'll do a better job of making it if we can do it 00:18:59.440 --> 00:19:03.540 together. Anyway. Thank you for being here and spending this 00:19:03.540 --> 00:19:08.520 time with me. Reach out to your friends today, make sure 00:19:08.520 --> 00:19:14.220 everybody's okay. Keep learning, keep growing, keep pushing and 00:19:14.220 --> 00:19:17.100 be of good cheer. Thanks, everybody until next time you.