Paisley: Hey everybody, welcome back Paisley imperfect here, and
thank you for choosing to be here with me today. You may be
aware that today is Mental Health Awareness Day, and I
couldn't just not address that, especially when there are some
really good talks and some really good articles and some
really good resources available to us to help us become mentally
healthy. The Church, actually, I'm sharing my screen for just a
couple minutes today, the church actually has some really great
resources for mental health, and I wanted to just kind of
navigate there and show you how to find them. In case you don't
already don't already know. So if you go up here on the
church's website and just on their homepage, if you go up to
libraries, and then you go to gospel library, you have all the
stuff that you expect to see right at the top. If you scroll
down just a little bit right here, there's a section called
Life help. And if you click in there, there's all kinds of
stuff in here, abuse, addiction, divorce, there's all kinds of
stuff in here. And if you scroll down to right here, these four
cute girls sitting with each other. This is the mental health
one. If you click on mental health, there's all kinds of
stuff. There are resources if you are the one who is
struggling with your mental health. There are resources if
it's a family member, if you happen to be a leader in your
ward, your stake, your branch, whatever it is in your location,
there are resources for you too. There are stories that people
have shared, and then there are actually some additional links
too for you to learn more. So if you haven't taken advantage of
that, or if you haven't checked it out yet, you totally should.
Today, I want to focus on the talk from elder Holland. It was
groundbreaking for me, and I'll get to that in just a second.
But in 2013 elder Holland gave a fantastic talk about mental
health. It was called like a broken vessel, and I remember I
bawled all the way through it the first time. I've been
through it a few times that since then, and I should be able
to hold it together today, but we'll see. I'm gonna back up
just a little bit and tell you why it was groundbreaking, and I
will do my best. I'm sure that you're all aware of PPD,
postpartum postpartum depression, PPD. But did you
know that PPD can affect you if you have a miscarriage. I did
not until I had my first miscarriage, so it was in 2011
two years before the talk came out. My husband and I at that
point, had been trying to have children or trying to add
children to our family for about six years, and we finally,
finally had our very first ever positive pregnancy test. And
when you have looked at a negative pregnancy test month
after month after month for six years, what's six times 12? I
don't even know. It's too many. 72 I don't know when you've seen
that many negative pregnancy tests, and you finally get your
first positive after all of the hormones and all of the
surgeries and all of the things that you've been through, and
you finally get that first positive pregnancy test, there
are few things that cause that level of excitement. We were
ridiculously excited. Unfortunately, I miscarried at
only about eight weeks, eight and a half weeks, and to say
that we were both crushed is an understatement. For weeks, I
couldn't stop crying. I couldn't find anything to be happy about.
I tried. I could fake a smile, sometimes I could fake a
chuckle, but that was about it. I couldn't I couldn't laugh. I
was constantly sad. I was discouraged, I was angry, all of
those things, all of those feelings. I did slowly get
through the anger, I was pushing through the frustration, the
discouragement, the grief, but I was different, and things were
things were dark. Now I get it. Having a miscarriage makes
everyone different. It's going to change you. It just is. You
cannot have. You cannot experience that kind of loss
without it changing who, without it changing you. But not like
this. Life was dark. My husband went with me to a follow up
appointment. I. Some weeks after the miscarriage. I don't even
remember how many, how many weeks it was. That's how bad it
was, and my doctor diagnosed me with PPD, postpartum depression.
Until that moment, I didn't even know it was possible. I had
vaguely heard of postpartum depression in women after
they've given birth to a baby or after they've lost one, like
after it was born. But I didn't know that it was a thing with
miscarriage. And I remember I was sitting on that little couch
in that room in my doctor's office. I think the couch was
yellow, either the couch was or the wall behind it was yellow.
This doctor that I had, he was amazing. He was always happy,
always happy. And so I was sitting on that little couch in
that room, and I was answering all of the Depression questions.
I didn't know at the time that I was answering all of the
Depression questions, but I was, and I was passing with flying
colors, but also now that I knew what was wrong with me, I
thought that I could fix it, and so I opted to wait on the
proposed meds. I don't remember how long I waited, but I
eventually did start taking medication for the depression,
because also, did you know PPD can last for years? It's
different for everybody, and most people get out of
postpartum depression within three to six months. Mine was
not going away. It was lasting for a really long time, and so I
opted to start taking the meds. I mean, also, I had so many
hormone like I just it was, I was a wreck. I was a wreck, and
I needed help. Okay, so that was in 2011 towards the end of 2011
maybe beginning of 2012 so now fast forward to 2013 and that's
when I had my second miscarriage. And PPD is
different for everybody. Every body is different, and so
everything is going to affect your body in a different way
than it affects everyone else. A lot of people will have similar
things happen, which is why we're able to create medicines
and vaccines and things like that, because people in general
are fairly similar. But things diseases, I mean, c0v1d affects
everybody differently, right? Things affect us differently. So
when my second miscarriage happened, I also didn't know
that PPD can get progressively worse as you complete, or as
your misc as as your pregnancies end, PPD can get progressively
worse. I didn't know that until I did, and then I I knew it. And
then elder Holland speaks about mental health, and this is why
it was so groundbreaking for me. Because up until this point, it
was like, Okay, I'm taking meds to help me. When am I going to
be able to stop taking these meds? Because I feel like there
are things that I should be able to do myself right. I felt like
I was broken. I felt like I was doing something wrong, like I
wasn't good enough. I wasn't spiritual enough. I didn't have
my faith. Wasn't strong enough, because I couldn't do it on my
own. And elder Holland so sorry, so lovingly in his talk, told me
that there was nothing wrong with it, that I wasn't doing
anything wrong. Here's what he said. However bewildering This
all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of
mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging
them than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure
or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor. And I was like,
oh, you know what? He's right. This is like having high blood
pressure or a malignant tumor, it's not any more shameful than
any other disease, than anybody else suffers with. Nothing was
more wrong with me than anyone else,
some of their. May be a little bit more obvious, a little bit
more physical, a little bit more obvious, but people also people
know what to do with the obvious things, right? If you've got
high blood pressure, you go see your primary care physician and
maybe a cardiologist. If you have a malignant tumor, you go
see an oncologist, and depending on where the tumor is. You may
need a neuro oncologist. You may need some other kind of
oncologist. You may you may need a specialist, and they're there,
and you just go and you talk to one and you have scans done and
figure out your next steps. But with depression, it could be a
therapist, it could be a psychologist, psychiatrist.
Could be a personal trainer. Maybe you just need to go for a
walk. It's so different in so many people. But again, there
are things that we all have in common that we can we can try to
work on we can get started and see where we get. And elder
Holland actually gave us eight things to do, and he puts it
like this quote, so how do you best respond when mental or
emotional challenges confront you or those you love, above
all, never lose faith in your Father in heaven, who loves you
more than you can comprehend. As President Monson said to the
Relief Society sisters so movingly last Saturday evening,
that love never changes. It is there for you when you are sad
or happy, discouraged or hopeful, God's love is there for
you whether or not you feel you deserve it. It is simply always
there. Never ever doubt that and to never harden your heart.
Faithfully pursue the time tested devotional practices that
bring the spirit of the Lord into your life. Seek the counsel
of those who hold keys for your spiritual well being, ask for
and cherish priesthood blessings. Take the sacrament
every week and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the
Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles. I have seen
so many of them come when every other indication would say that
hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not
come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior's
own English example. If the bitter cup does not pass, drink
it and be strong trusting in happier days ahead. Eight
things. Never lose faith. Never harden your heart, faithfully
pursue the Spirit. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys
for your spiritual well being. Ask for priesthood blessings.
Take the sacrament every week and trust in the perfecting
abilities of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in
miracles and trust in happier days ahead, eight things that we
can try to get us started, to get us moving in the right
direction. But that is not always enough. It just isn't.
For some people, that is just not enough. I know that I was
doing all of those things, or I was trying my best to do all of
those things, and I was still in a very dark place without the
medication. And I remember, I remember thinking that too, as I
was listening to this talk. I remember feeling like this talk
was for me, but also knowing that I had been doing all of
those things and it wasn't working. But later in the talk,
so I remember thinking, but I'm doing all of those things, or
I'm trying my very hardest to do all those things, and they don't
work. I still need the help of this medicine. Later, he says
this. He says, if things continue to be debilitating,
seek the advice of reputable people with certified training,
professional skills and good values. He even tells us what to
look for in a doctor, in a helper, certified training,
professional skills and good values. He continues be honest
with them about your history and your struggles, prayerfully and
responsibly consider the counsel they give and the solutions they
prescribe, prescribe, for me, was a very key word there. Some
of our doctors will prescribe healthy diet and lots of
exercise, right? Going back to your high blood pressure with
your cardiologist, a healthy diet and lots of good exercise,
other doctors may prescribe meds they may give you a little bit
of both prayerfully and responsibly consider the counsel
they give and the solutions they prescribe. If you had
appendicitis, he gives an example. If you had
appendicitis, God would expect you to seek a priesthood
blessing and get the best medical care available. So too,
with emotional disorders, our. Father in Heaven expects us to
use all of the marvelous gifts he has provided in this glorious
dispensation, all of them right? Then I knew that what I was
doing for myself was the right thing. At that time in my life,
I finally felt okay about it, and like it was okay to talk
about and be honest about. There didn't need to be a stigma about
depression, postpartum depression or otherwise, there
didn't need to be a stigma about it, and as long as there was
one, people would be uncomfortable talking about
their struggles. I I had a friend in my early 20s. Um, she
was something else. I had this friend in my early 20s who
legit, always looked
at challenges as, what can I learn from this? She was the
eternal she probably still is the eternal optimist, always
looking at always trying to figure out what she could learn.
One time she confided in me, she's like Abby. I have to
approach it that way, because if I don't, I just get I just get
lost. And also, if I approach it that way, then I can learn
whatever it is that Heavenly Father wants me to learn faster
and be done with it sooner. Confession, still think, if we
think about it that way, if we think about these challenges as
Okay, Heavenly Father's trying to teach me something. I really
hate doing this right now. So what do I need to learn so I can
get through it faster. I don't. I always forget to think about
things that way first. And it takes me some time to remember
that I wish that I was the eternal optimist that she was. I
am more of a realist, a Prag pragmatic realist, I think, is
the term that I used before pragmatic, realist, practical,
and I look at things realistically, and sometimes
that gets in the way of my optimism. Anyway, to share one
last thing from elder Holland, he said, whatever your struggle,
my brothers and sisters, mental or emotional or physical or
otherwise, do not vote against the preciousness of life by
ending it. Trust in God, hold on in his love. Know that one day,
the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will
flee. Though we may feel we are like a broken vessel, as the
psalmist says, We must remember that vessel is in the hands of
the Divine Potter, broken minds can be healed just the way.
Broken bones and broken hearts are healed while God is at work
making those repairs. The rest of us can help by being
merciful, non judgmental and kind. Trust in God no matter
what your challenge is, and remember that we can seek help,
just like those who are suffering from broken bones or
broken hearts. It's okay to struggle. It's actually
expected. That's part of the plan, that's part of the purpose
of this life is to struggle and figure out how and what we need
to be, who we're supposed to be, right, who our heavenly father
would have us be. That's part of the deal. We just need to
somehow remember to approach things with trust in our
Heavenly Father, a knowledge of His love and hope, hope and
faith, trust, and just keep going. We'll get there.
Remember, we are good enough. We are good enough, we will make
it, and we'll do a better job of making it if we can do it
together. Anyway. Thank you for being here and spending this
time with me. Reach out to your friends today, make sure
everybody's okay. Keep learning, keep growing, keep pushing and
be of good cheer. Thanks, everybody until next time you.